Oh lord. Looks like I actually have this thing working. Hopefully I'll save preggo some text messaging fees now. Lord knows she gets about 10-15 vent texts a day. How does it look? I'm hoping this will provide a way for me to share what's going on here, with me, with mom, the family, and give me space to bitch a little....okay, bitch a lot. And because it's so hard for me to e-mail now. Just don't know what to say. My mom's dying, how are you? All the daily stuff gets stuck in my brain and seems to wait there until I lay down and try to sleep. Then, ATTAAACCKKK!! So, if you don't like downers, don't read it. Brain cancer sucks. Watching my mom become this new person sucks, even though I am grateful she is still here and is still herself. Without pain for the most part.

Today

It's Saturday. Drove Jillie to the airport at 3:45 in the freaking morning. Can we cuss on this thing? You know what I would have really said. She flies back to Bangkok today. E left yesterday morning, which was really sad for my mom. (gonna just say mom from now on, it's weird to say MY mom, OUR mom, we don't own her) Anyway, she gets really sad these days when people leave. Cried saying goodbye to the cats and she doesn't even really like them. Okay, that's an exaggeration. She loves them from a distance. When E left, she cried and then started hitting her forehead, which I've seen her do once before. I asked her why, and she just said her life is in such an upheaval. Broke my heart a little more, so I just hugged her. What can I say that makes that any better for her? Nothing.

Spent the rest of the day doing errands, resting and watching our law and order. Mark my words, one of the lawler babies will be named olivia benson. Ate Jillie's farewell dinner at Texas Roadhouse. Hate that place, but mom loves it, even though it tortures her to eat just ONE roll. She keeps wanting to wrap the leftover rolls up and put them in her purse. Uh, don't think so, lady. I just get this image of us walking out of there with greasy, lumpy purses, like squirrels hording nuts. Food has become an issue and she wants to eat out all the time now, which is hard since she's officially diabetic due to all the steroids. She cried when Jillie left this morning, but then got all excited when she said, no declared, that she was going to have dad take her to IHOP for breakfast. F-me. It's ultimately her choice, so we agreed on what she would eat. If food makes her happy, I don't really feel right forcing something on her that makes her miserable even if it is good for her.

Okay, that was a lot for today. Feel like I got some stuff out though. Things that we won't forget maybe. Like the IHOP and airport ritual. Hope this helps you... j, e, and c. Hope it helps me. Laterz, d.