@#$&^!!!

So here's a new post for those of you who read this. I'm sitting in C's apartment; he's resting on his bed and J & E are finishing the dishes and getting ready to eat cake. Steve keeps going back and forth. Not sure what exactly he's doing, but it seems important. I don't really have much to write. Craig has cancer and it's bad. Growths throughout his abdomen; big one in the old site. Why him? Why now? Don't know and not gonna spin my wheels looking for answers that don't exist. Feel like a gold fish flopping on the table just trying to make sense of everything. Wasn't Mom's cancer enough? Didn't think anything worse was possible, but yes indeedy folks, life can always get worse. Seeing him in pain is horrible and makes me want to crawl into a hole somewhere and hide until everything is over. And he's in a lot of pain. Even on pain pills the pain comes and goes and the doctors don't know why; just a product of the masses pushing on things. One minute he'll be fine, old Craigie, and the next he'll be almost incoherent and ready to pass out. I feel so helpless and out of control. Can't make this better for him.